My Paper Heart
by rahrah483
Summary: You are only one who hurts this badly, and yet I keep coming back for more. Ritsuka pens a letter to Soubi. i suck at Summery's First EVER Loveless Fanfic, please be kind and review! I'd really appreciate it I don't own Loveless/characters.


A tall thin boy with black hair was sitting at his desk. His little ears twitched, and he sobbed as Tears dripped down his cheeks, and the mascara that adorned his eyes ran in tiny rivulets down his face. His hands shook as he penned the letter; the one that meant so much but so little.

_*LETTER*_

_I called you my monsoon, and said it was always and forever. I called you that because the song…our song…meant we would be together, and nothing could take that away. We were not going to let the storms keep us apart, or the oceans or other people._

_You were my monsoon, pouring down onto the earth that had been left uncared for so long, and your love made everything beautiful again, filling the land with hope and beauty. To begin with, I thought that we were forever, that our love was different. But I forgot._

_I forgot about the floods, the swelling lakes and tides that can only hold so much emotion before it all leaks over. Spilling out, swirling and destroying the stunning unmarked growth. I forgot about the storms that followed, and all the anger and destruction of the lightening as it sets alight so many new sensations._

_But mostly I forgot about the sky. I was cracked, broken and parched waiting for the rain to come and ease the pain. When you came to me, it was unlike anything I'd ever felt before and even as your droplets melted seamlessly together, and made me whole again; I could feel you slipping away. Your moisture was draining, emptying because while I provide a physical release…_

_…he holds you tighter than I ever could. You are bound to him, to the sky. It is unfathomable, the devotion and love and even if you care for me, still you'll return to him. You'll go back and he'll hold you safely in his warm arms for a while but when you fall, I'll still be the one to pick you up again…_

_I'll be the one to soak in all your tears, and to allow you to release all the pain. I'll take it in, regardless of how I feel. Of my own hurt from loosing you again, because you deserve that. You deserve to be happy and I KNOW that even when you come again, even when I support you and hold you…you'll still fold yourself into HIS arms and not mine…_

_Because as mush as I hate it; nothing I do can be enough._

_Not physically or emotionally, I can't be enough. That's what hurts to accept. That my words don't really have any affect on the weather, because you just go wherever the sky takes you and I'll be waiting again for that rain to come again. Always waiting._

_I still love you with all my heart. You are and always will be everything. You make everything ok, even when you're not there to hold me. You fill me with hope, and belief in myself that has never been there before. You can make me cry so hard, yet i know that I'll come back for more because nothing hurts as good as you do._

_You make me feel beautiful and special. And I want to give you whatever you want. I want you to be happy and feel loved, and like the amazing person you are._

_I promised you something of mine, and I don't care if you don't want it. I still want you to be my first, and I'll never stop wanting that. I want things to go back to the way they were, when you loved me, and only me._

_That hurts more than anything. More than all the cuts i can give myself, more than any beatings, more than anything I've ever felt because you opened so much inside of me, and you're the only one who can close these wounds and i don't even know if i want you to._

_I'll always love you forever, and i know that I'm not there and it kills me everyday to know that you'll wake up next to someone else, but i wanted to be the best for you, and i wanted you to love me back because i gave you my heart, and i don't want it back at all because you deserve it...except not all the blood... You were the first love I ever truly had, the only one who can crush me then fix me in an instant, with a single word. The only one who hurts this badly, and yet I keep coming back for more. I keep blaming myself for not being good enough, for everything._

_I called you my monsoon, and said it was always and forever. I called you that because the song…our song…meant we would be together, and nothing could take that away. We were not going to let the storms keep us apart, or the oceans or other people._

_*END OF LETTER*_

A million miles away, a Male with bright blue eyes, silver hair and glasses stood clothed in his boxers, but as he examined the letter in his hands; he felt completely exposed. He listened to the rain pelting down outside and a small smile graced his lips as he read the first line.

He sank down onto the bed; listening to the blonde beside him snore. Seimei was still his God even after everything he did. Despite the love that Soubi had for Ritsuka, he couldn't...Wouldn't give himself to the young male. Seimei was the one who had meant more to him than anyone. He couldn't describe it, but…

…Ritsuka's letter was confusing, and it hurt him to listen, yet Soubi knew that his ex-sacrifice would accept it and hopefully move on. Because Seimei was far from Perfect, and his brother needed to realise that before he hurts himself again...and Soubi was just making sure that would happen.

"We have to distrust each other. It is our only defense against betrayal," He whispered. "Betrayal can only happen if you love."

END


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